Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Full Disclosure - a bit of a rant

  • I'm a ridiculous idealist.
  • I'm a people pleaser.
  • I tend to avoid sharing the tough spots in my life.

I noticed, while looking over my blog, that it may come across like I'm perfect and do everything right in this life. One thing I hate (yes, I said hate) is when we lift up the pastor to think that he/she is flawless, perfect, and makes no mistakes. This does two nasty things.
  1. Gives the non-clergy the feeling that there's no way they can approach the pastor.
  2. Sets up the pastor for guaranteed failure.
So, here I go...

In the interest of full disclosure:
  • Sometimes I feel a great husband; Sometimes I feel like a great Youth Pastor; Rarely, if ever have I felt like both at the same time.
  • I significantly question my effectiveness and calling at least weekly.
  • More often I find myself asking "Am I making a difference?" than saying "I am making a difference."
  • I have diabetes, and do an extremely poor job at taking care of myself.
  • I am at least 25 pounds overweight.
  • I am terrible at returning calls, and following up on conversations.
  • I'm very sloppy and disorganized when it comes to keeping space clean (come visit my office some time).
  • I am notorious for walking off on someone in the middle of a conversation.
  • I'm a major gossip.
  • My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for over 4 years now. We have run the tests, and everything seems fine. I often wonder if God has forgotten about me, or if he's punishing me for past mistakes. I've given up hope for a baby on more than one occasion.
  • When I'm on my own processing my life, there's been times I've found myself unintentionally verbally saying, "I suck as a Christian!"
  • I often think that it's only a matter of time until someone finds me out to be the phony that I'm afraid I might be.
This list could go much, much longer. I don't share this to have you comment, affirm, encourage, or disprove something above (in fact, please don't, that's just not the point). Instead, I just want to give you a balanced look into my life, and let you know...
  • I'm normal, and so are you.

1 comment:

Rob said...


Your willingness to be transparent not only in your blog but, from what I've heard, with your students, is why I love reading it and following your ministry. I didn't get the chance to know you at WMC - I think we just missed each other in timing. I love the fact that you are willing to show the human side of you and not just the "good side". You are the type of man I want to impact my children as they grow up and shape their destinies. Your "Greatest Hits" series has been incredible so far, not as much for the writing, but for the fact that it comes straight from your heart. Even though we attend different churches, you and your wife are in my prayers daily...and I'm sure I'm far from the only one.