I recently had a conversation with one of our High School boys. He was sharing with me about his battle with lustful thoughts. He was frustrated at the level that he seemed to be giving into these thoughts, and especially over the fact that he had recently begun to dabble in pornography on the computer.
As we talked and prayed together I challenged him with a thought... "How bad do you want to overcome this struggle?" I encouraged him that if we really want to get rid of it, we may need to take drastic measures.
When referring to this struggle with guys, I will often liken it to the story of Aaron Ralston, the Mountain climber who got his arm stuck between a canyon and a boulder while climbing in a remote area. 5 days after getting stuck, he was forced with the reality... either sacrifice my arm, or I die. He was forced to cut his off in order to stay alive (hmmm... sounds familiar).
My point is this... we often fail to come to grips with how bad we want, or maybe I should say need, to get out of the death trap that sin cylces put us in.
So, back to this student. Some tough questions I asked him to consider...
Where are you being tempted, and do you need to remove these places/situations from your life for a season?
Do you need to get rid of the internet at home?
Have you talked to your dad about this? Should you?
Here's the cool part. This student hadn't talked to his dad about this... and let's be honest, what high school guy would? I normally offer that thought realizing there's no chance that's going to happen.
Why is that?
I think shame, and fear of how a dad would respond.
Dad, if you're reading this, how would you respond?
Well, in this case, as soon as I stopped talking to this student, he called his dad and told him what was going on. His dad responded with love, grace, and resolve. He first thanked his son for letting him know. He second let him know that he understands this might be a struggle for him. He shared from his own battles and affirmed the character and quality he saw in his son. And third, he told his son that he was going to help him in whatever way possible to overcome the struggles. They discussed internet filters, getting rid of the internet, accountability, etc.
The student told me that since that talk there was a day when his parents were gone. He walked up to his computer, and found a note from his dad letting him know he was loved and that his dad believed in him.
And with that, I say "BOO YA!" All Star Dad. All Star Student.
As we talked and prayed together I challenged him with a thought... "How bad do you want to overcome this struggle?" I encouraged him that if we really want to get rid of it, we may need to take drastic measures.
When referring to this struggle with guys, I will often liken it to the story of Aaron Ralston, the Mountain climber who got his arm stuck between a canyon and a boulder while climbing in a remote area. 5 days after getting stuck, he was forced with the reality... either sacrifice my arm, or I die. He was forced to cut his off in order to stay alive (hmmm... sounds familiar).
My point is this... we often fail to come to grips with how bad we want, or maybe I should say need, to get out of the death trap that sin cylces put us in.
So, back to this student. Some tough questions I asked him to consider...
Where are you being tempted, and do you need to remove these places/situations from your life for a season?
Do you need to get rid of the internet at home?
Have you talked to your dad about this? Should you?
Here's the cool part. This student hadn't talked to his dad about this... and let's be honest, what high school guy would? I normally offer that thought realizing there's no chance that's going to happen.
Why is that?
I think shame, and fear of how a dad would respond.
Dad, if you're reading this, how would you respond?
Well, in this case, as soon as I stopped talking to this student, he called his dad and told him what was going on. His dad responded with love, grace, and resolve. He first thanked his son for letting him know. He second let him know that he understands this might be a struggle for him. He shared from his own battles and affirmed the character and quality he saw in his son. And third, he told his son that he was going to help him in whatever way possible to overcome the struggles. They discussed internet filters, getting rid of the internet, accountability, etc.
The student told me that since that talk there was a day when his parents were gone. He walked up to his computer, and found a note from his dad letting him know he was loved and that his dad believed in him.
And with that, I say "BOO YA!" All Star Dad. All Star Student.
3 comments:
This post is AWESOME and such an encouragement to me as a parent - the type of parent I want to be to my child. May I always respond with such love and grace so that they feel they can share with me. Thanks for sharing this story! Praise the Lord! (BTW, I randomly came across your blog shortly after the Nappanee tornadoes and instantly got drawn in with stories of your adoption and Katylynn. Thanks for so openly sharing your lives.
Boo-Yah You!
You handled this exactly like the way I would want my son's youth pastor to handle it: without judging, with grace and compassion, and with firm steps to resolution.
Nice job, DP...Katylynn is in good hands. Keep up the great work, my friend!
Excellent way to handle this issue. Wow. Well said. Boo-Yah!
I work for Covenant Eyes. The company has been making and distributing Internet accountability software for the past 8 years and has helped tens of thousands find freedom from porn's grip. It is really rewarding to hear testimonies about people who are finally finding accountability and good friendships in the Body of Christ, people willing to call them out on their sin and pray for their healing and forgiveness.
If you are looking for a good accountability software, go to www.covenanteyes.com and enter promocode 'onefree' to receive a free 30 day trial of the program. That promo code is open to anyone who wants it!
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