Parenting Teens and Tweens

Our Student Ministries Staff is offering a 5-week Wednesday Night session for parents of 5th-12th Grade...
I made up a new phrase for my session with parents...

IMPLICATORY PARENTING*:
What is it? Here's the definition I made up for the phrase I made up...
Taking time to consider the implication of a child's environment, actions, and activities in order to best raise and support him/her toward spiritual health.

Or more simply stated... looking and asking, "So what does this all mean?"


We took time to look at this scientifically or statistically. What is the world our kids are growing up in. We took time to discuss some of the implications of what this video tells us...



Some of the thoughts parents shared (obviously I'm paraphrasing):

• This world is changing so fast that we need to focus on instilling and teaching values that can be translated throughout all the changes rather than simply responding to one single technology, trend, etc. (brilliant observation, I might add).
• Many of these trends create new opportunities for kids to engage in sinful activity, but they also create incredible opportunities to advance the Kingdom.
• We need to be ready for students to struggle a little with their college educations due to the incredible informational change curve. When they are considering a change in major, it may be a good idea!
• "Is the Amish church accepting new members?" (this was a good laugh)

We took an anonymous survey (only asked for grade and gender) of our students concerning some of the technology they are involved in as well as asked about some of the big struggles statistics are saying students are involved in (porn on the web, cheating in school, lying, texting pics with nudity -a.k.a. "sexting"). I shared those results with parents. I won't be sharing those on this blog (if you want to know them, you'll have to come on May 13 where we'll dive into them a little more).

To close, I shared experientially (meaning from my observation over the past 12 years working here) the implications of a healthy parent/teen relationship. I took about 5-6 individuals in each of the following categories, as well as 2-3 three that were the opposite of that category, and tried to find some common threads. Here's some of my conclusions.

I would define "healthy" where there is open communication, shared respect, spiritual leadership and mentoring fromt he parent (over just being a buddy),

Guys who have a healthy relationship with their mother tend to...

• be more respectful to women.
• be sought after by gals.
• look out for the "underdog."
• display a keen sensitivity to the Holy Spirit (this is an added bonus, didn't share it Wednesday, but it struck me as I've continued to reflect)

Guys who have a healthy relationship with their father tend to...

• show respect to authority.
• step up when there is a leadership gap.
• be passionate lovers of Christ (if their father is).

Gals who have a healthy relationship with their mother tend to...

• disply more compassion.
• dave healthier friendships.
• show a healthier decision-making process.

Gals who have a healthy relationship with their father tend to...

• "date around" less.
• have a healthy self-image.
• avoid the "disorder" struggles (eating disorders, self mutilation, etc.)
• eat more meat (totally kidding)
  

These cannot be labeled as all true, all the time, nor are they only present in those with healthy relationships. They were simply the common threads I saw where there were healthy relationship, and the common lack I saw where there were unhealthy relationships.

It was a great time sharing and being with parents. We have some great ones at NMC!

*Although I made up the phrase Implicatory parenting, it is inspired by the phrase Implicatory preaching, which is explained by Doug Pagitt in his book Preaching Reimagined.