5 Major Themes in 2009: Theme #1

This is a 5 part series leading into a big announcement on this blog September 23, 2009. I simply want to reflect on 5 significant themes that have been present in my life this year.THEME #1: A Dad Makes a difference.
What kind of difference? That's your call.

In the post "Some Strong Opinions" (written March 24, 2009), I stated "The greatest detriment or assistance to a teenage girls spiritual growth is the relationship with her father."

Rob then commented on that post, "So with you on this one...and not just gals...missing fathers hurts both sons and daughters, and it's happening more and more with each generation. How can we expect those kids to be role models in parenting and relationships if they've never had one?"

Rob is right on. Here's how this theme has been showing up over the past year:

1. Losing my dad. When my dad died in February, it obviously caused me to stop and consider the man I had as a father. In the months following, I can only confirm what one of my more immediate thoughts after his death stated: "Here’s the thing about dad’s impact on me, I’m struggling to find where that impact was to my detriment." Are there regrets? Absolutely. Do I wish some things would have happened differently in our relationship? You bet. But I can say without hesitation much of the positive you see in me is the direct result of the investment of a consistently present, loving, supportive, and full of integrity dad.
2. Sharing with Parents Last Spring. As a part of a Wednesday Night Adult Elective we did last May, I took some time to walk through my observational experience with NMC students. I took several (8-10 of each gender) students I would consider had healthy relationships with their dad. As I did, some characteristics rose to the top.
   
   Guys who had a healthy relationship with dad tended to...
   • follow through on commitments.
   • respect authority figures in their life.
   • Step up and lead when there is a need for a leader (not always vocal leadership, but inside their personality).
   • be passionate about Christ and outwardly express it (if their dads were).
   
   Gals who had a healthy relationship with dad tended to:
   
   • Have a healthier self image.
   • Have an optimistic and positive outlook on life/situations.
   • Date around less.
   • Excel in extra-curriculars.
   • Eat more Meat (ok, not really).
   
   The list is not authoritative or exhaustive, but it is what rose to the top as I took time to reflect.
   
   
3. Students Falling Apart. Substance abuse, depression, sexual activity, making a decision about the future. I can think of discussions with students covering each of the crises mentioned. One of my common questions is, "What's your relationship like with your parents." I can think of conversations with each of those topics where it became clear quickly that the student was dealing with a non-existent or strained father-figure in his/her life.
4. Strong Fathers/ Strong Daughters. A book I read last Spring that challenged me. It's written from the perspective of a doctor who has seen the fallout of the absent father in the home. It was challenging, insightful and filled with some great practical steps I hope to put into practice.
5. In Her Eyes. She's almost 22 months old, and I can see it already. It's just little moments when I look in her eyes, whether their sparkling with joy or with tears, and it's clear to me that all I need to do is...
   
   • Make sure she knows I love her no matter what.
   • Be there when she needs me.
   • Let go when she needs me to.
   • Show her an earthly example of a Heavenly Father.
   • Show her how a real man treats his wife.
   • Listen, then listen some more.
     
   • Beat the crud out of any guy who disrespects her.
   • Serve as an enforcer of rules.
   Not a big deal, right? It was really easy to tell dads and moms how to do their job before I had a kid. There's very little that's changed in what I would say or believe when it comes to parenting. It's a lot easier said than done. I have a new level of reality, responsibility, and absolute desperation for God's protection and provision now that I look into the eyes of my little girl.
   

Dad's, you have power and lots of it. Are you using it, abusing it, or neglecting it?